Friday, December 9, 2011

Take me for what I am

...who I was meant to be.

Being true to yourself is something that's really important to me. I believe in morals and following your heart. I believe in doing what you think is right, even if others think that you're crazy, or wasting your time. I believe in expressing your opinion, even if others don't agree,
However, I don't believe in insulting people who don't agree with you.
Hi. Yeah, I swear. Yeah, I can have my moments where I can be rude, or angry, or twitchy.
That doesn't make you better than me.
Today, someone said to me "I don't swear, because I have morals."
Yeah. Eff you too. Because that's basically what you said to me.

I will never be ashamed of who I am, and I don't need you to be ashamed for me.

Thank you very much.

Friday, November 25, 2011

A Thousand Clever Lines...

...unread on clever napkins.

As The Beatles would say "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on" 
And it does. My life got crazy, and wild, and way, way ahead of me. And along the way, things got left behind.
I find that if I tell people I'm in the process of writing a novel, they let me off the hook.
I'm hoping you will offer me the same courtesy :)

My novel, newly dubbed "Evening, Star" stars (hee hee) Etoile Gordon.
Etoile is my baby. Never have I loved a character as much as I love her. And trust me when I say, I've had a lot of characters. There was just something about her that was stuck in my brain almost 24/7. I created her for a role playing thread on the NaNoWriMo website. When NaNo finally came around, it was like Etoile was tapping repeatedly on my brain, forcing me to abandon my previous plot (which I absolutely loved, by the way) and write a book about her instead.
I was weak and spineless, and I relented.
So far it's turned out all right. I'm super behind on my word count. I couldn't tell you how many times I just couldn't get the words to flow.
But man, do I love this story.

Friday, September 23, 2011

I am Unwritten

Can't read my mind, I'm undefined.

We are all individual. No two people are alike.
School is like a snowstorm. A big mess of a situation that, when viewed from afar, are pointless clumps of matter, or bodies as you may prefer to say.
But when you put aside the cold-front and look closer, you see that every snowflake, like every person. is beautiful.
What they do with that beauty is up to them.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Baby seasons change but people don't

and I'll always be waiting in the backroom.

I have so many expectations for my life. It's killing me. I go into situations daydreaming about how things might turn out.
Never once has a daydream be accuate.
I was so excited for my junior prom. I thought that for once I would actually feel beautiful. I hoped my crush (I can't even remember who) or any guy would come over, tell me I look amazing, and ask me to dance.
It's laugh worthy now.
I enjoyed being with my girls. Dancing was fun. But some people got too close and others not close enough.
At one point I was terrified of a friend.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't gone. I was grounded, but my parents made an exception for prom. It's supposed to be the best night of your life.
There's always next year, I suppose.
I'm so looking forward to college. To get far away from people who've hurt me, away from feeling like a failure when I'm in the same room as my parents.
I'm trying so hard really.
Know one gets that.
I was told I look like Yale, but I feel like a community college.
It's like, why set a bar too high?
Why try so hard for something you're not going to get anyway?
Why bother living with nothing to live for.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Bad news

Blogger doesn't like my videos. They won't load and I don't know why.
I might be moving my blog. To wordpress. If I find out that it will take my videos?
And I will carry you all with me in a bucket!
I love you all.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Something new is coming!!!!

I'm going to start posting videos!!!! One's of me and my friends just goofing off and all that jazz. I'm excited. I think you guys will like them. I have at least three ready that I will (hopefully) post later today. Otherwise they'll go up tomorrow.
Tis exciting.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Brain Blast

Got my novel idea. And (very very very) vaguely planned.

Tagline: 10 people, 10 stories, one school.
That's it. I don't even have a title yet.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

It's a Brand New Day

Don't you see me changing all my ways.

I don't think I've ever done this much thinking at one time in my life. I'm working on ideas for NaNoWriMo 2011, and so far, no good. I've written down ten names, sixteen titles (and counting) and numerous lines and dialogue, but I can't figure out a conrete idea.
And of course, school starts in less than two weeks, and going into my senior year is kind stressful.
So I'm letting this make me feel better.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Summer Vacation

At last, my love has come along. My lonely days are overr. And life is like a song!

I've been waiting for summer for a long time. And even though I still feel like I have to go to school tomorrow (because it still hasn't really hit me yet) I'm very excited. Mostly because I can sleep in.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

So there are these people...

We shall call them elephants. Purple Elephants, if we're being specific. There's a lot of them. Like, more than 20. They come and go.
The group was started by Matt on Nanowrimo. He had (has) girl trouble. With Catherine. Who is beautiful.
Matt doesn't like the word cute, which is really what started the Purple Elephants. But sometimes he'll say something and it's hard to find a way to describe him that isn't the word cute.
We'll say adorable. Matt's adorable.
And then there are other Elephants. Like Cassie and Lady and Blue and Raven and hunger and kitty and cobra and Arazia and Pixie and Lectin and Daphne and Grace and WWWW and Hogan and Tassel and GoblinKatie and Katie and Lauriloth (my ice cream eating ghost buddy) and Stasi and Rae and Ani and JL and broadway and Eva and GG (who has a name Idk but wanna) and Swift and Rie and probably more that I can't remember which is really bad but like I said there are A LOT of us.
Those aren't everyone's real names (mostly) cause we haven't met all of each other in real life. But we all love each other anyway.
For realz, these are the best friends a girl could ask for.
And I love them.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Parfait's gotta be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

Shrek:  NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. What about cake? Everybody loves cake! Cake has layers!

Onions have layers.
Ogres have layers.
Cakes have layers.
Even parfaits have layers.

Everything has layers, if you think about it. Literally and figurativly.
Peel off someone's skin, you see muscles.
Peel off someone's meaphorical layers and you see what makes them human.
Its best to let people peel off their metaphorical layers themselves though, so you don't see anything they're not ready for you to see.

This has been an eye opener from Elle

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Drama and stories

The beauty of high school is that nothing ever lasts very long, including my relationship with great guy.
But it's whatever. I'm chill.
Plus, of course, the regular drama of high school.

Now, because I wanted to actually post something, I putting up another except from my novel.

“Chase, can’t you please just tell me where we’re going? This blindfold thing is starting to get old. And it’s cold out here.”
Andy knew she was being whiney, and probably sounded like a brat, but she was beyond caring at the moment.
The moment Andy got into Chase’s car he blindfolded her. She felt uneasily like a kidnap victim, and memories of her six months in Cuba were creeping back into her mind, making her very uncomfortable.
 “Chase, please,” she begged, desperate for him to remove the blindfold. She knew she could do it herself, but was worried he would be more upset if she did. She felt the car come to a stop, and the blindfold fell away.
“Tell me why, Andy.” She shook her head, eyes shut tight, desperate to keep the tears at bay.
“Andrea…” She opened her eyes, and Chase was looking right at her, scared for her. She gave in.
“I was been eleven years old, and my dad and I had been in Cuba for maybe five months. I was finally starting to adjust to life there, when I was…kidnapped by some guerrillas. My dad was guarding the prince of England while he visited Cuba, and they had taken me in the hopes of getting some sort of ransom for my return.
“I had been leaving my tutor’s house and was walking back to the place my dad and I were staying at when they came up behind me, put a bag over my head and tossed me in the car. They took me to a dirty apartment, and locked me in the linen closet.
“They kept me there for nearly a month, only letting me out so they could check if I was still alive. It had been horrifying, and we went back to England the day after my dad finally found me. I traumatized me. And the forced darkness, the movement of the car…it brought it all back.”
It was almost the truth. Her dad had been undercover as an advisor to the prince to get information on one of the guards who had been deemed “suspicious”, Andy was posing as his daughter Sophie. She had been worth much more then plain old Andy.
Just telling Chase that, that one little part about her past no one (but her dad) knew about, made her feel even more vulnerable.
Maybe taking this assignment wasn’t such a good idea, she thought, thought she immediately took it back. Everything, absolutely everything that she had and was going through, was worth it to meet Chase.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured repeatedly, pushing herself against and curling into a ball. Chase unbuckled his seatbelt and scooted into her seat, pulling her into a hug.
“Why would you be sorry? I’m the one who put you in this situation, I made you relive it. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“I get so scared all the time,” she whispered, the tears falling freely. He hugged her closer.
“It was horrible in there; it was dark all the time. I couldn’t see, and then they’d open the door and the light would hurt my eyes but I wouldn’t care, cause they might have been letting me go. But then they’d throw the leftovers of whatever food they had been eating in and shut the door. And it would be dark all over again.
“There’s always a light on in my house. Even in the broad daylight, there’s always at least one. I keep a lamp on in my room at night, a regular night light isn’t enough to keep the nightmares away. And I just feel so pathetic, like I should move past it already, but I can’t! I try and I try, but their faces are always somewhere in my mind!”
She clung to Chase now, sobbing heavily. He just held her all the more tighter, stroking her hair and whispering endearments in her ear. It was a couple minutes before she calmed down. She continued to sniffle for a few moments, and when she finally looked up at Chase her eyes were bright red, her makeup running down her face.
“I must look like a mess,” she muttered, rubbing at her face. Chase took her hands.
“You look beautiful.” Andy looked into his eyes and knew that he meant it, with all of his heart.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


I don't pay rent, considering that I'm only sixteen, but I love the musical. And the movie. It's got a great message and great music and they're not afraid to swear, which I respect.
My favorite song would probably be Light My Candle, and I loved Rosario as Mimi. If I we're in the show I'd want to play her.

That's all

P.s. I had a gif but it wouldn't show :(

Monday, March 28, 2011


iGoogle hates me.
All I want to do is talk to Brittany but iGoogle doesn't want to work right.
That is all.

End rant.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Something Excited Happened

There are some slight not so slight developments in my life.
Like my hair growing. Or finally painting my nails since forever.
Or my new boyfriend.
That’s kind of where I was getting at. It’s kind of a huge deal.
I’m happy.
His name is TJ. Trust me when I say he is adorable.
Cause he is.
I asked him out last Friday.

He called me adorable, and I freaked out in the middle of the food court.

People stared. I didn't care.

Saturday, at 6:04 (I still have the text) he said yes.

I almost fell out of my chair.

It's been two days.

But I'm really happy.

The end.

Friday, March 4, 2011

A Story...but not really

Once upon a time there was a girl. She had some friends. As she got older some friends left, and in their places came new ones.
Then she was in high school...and still not a grown-up.
You have to be mature to be an adult.
Some friends are the same. Some are different. And only one goes all the way back from the begining.

That's Stephen. He's smart. I've known him forever.

Sarah's the best.

And Bremi. She doodles.

Seth can drive. I'm jealous.

Andrew likes hats.

Maddie shops a lot. :)

Lorenzo's nickname is Chief. It's funny.

Bea makes History less scary and bloody.
Long story.

My friends everybody. Be nice to them if you see them on the street.
They're special.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

I am a stereotypical single on Valentine's Day.
I hate it.
It's a greeting card holiday; if you really love someone, you should show them every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year.
Yes, it's a serious commitment.
Suck it up. :)

People are always surprised to see me come in to school on Valentine's Day not wearing red, or worse, pink.
I'm not going to conform to the standards of society and promote a holiday that's really only there so stores can make more money. I have a little more self respect than that.
Though I'm sure, if I had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, I'd be a little less bitter.
Only one way to find out of course, and that's not likely to happen any time soon.

Oh well, more candy hearts for me!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I Wish Magic Was Real

Mostly because I'm a complete nerd when it comes to Harry Potter.
The world is ideal; potions that make you instantly better, objects that can transport you anywhere in the world, spells that can do everything from levitate things to take complete control over there being.
Necklaces that can turn back the clock.
I would give anything to have one of those right now.
If I could turn back the clock even an hour, I wouldn't feel as bad as I do right now.
But I'm fixing it.
And I've learned from the situation.
As for the rest of life's moments that are so good the almost seem like magic...I'll definitily learn to appreciate those more.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Work Hard, Play Harder

Friday math class is always very...interesting to say the least. It's always a double period, and we (my class) have a tendancy to learn something the first period and do absolutely nothing the second.
Even my teacher knows how to appreciate Friday.
Of course, not having any work to do often leads to boredom. And boredom often leads to disaster.
We goof off and occasionally get a little loud. One of my friends usually gets yelled at, though rarely is he the one who screwed up.
Although, I suppose it did look a little weird, me with my foot up on a desk and him writing on the bottom of my shoe. I can't really blame the teacher for getting mad.
It was probably then I decided that my beat up but much loved Converse weren't exciting enough. So he and another friend each claimed a foot for their own and decorated the shoes.
I think they look pretty cool.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Excerpt: Starting Over...Again

“Okay, now that I’ve got you here where cell service is non-existent and the next gas station isn’t for miles; what is wrong with you? You’ve been out of it for days, we miss the old Andy.”
Chase rolled his eyes. “We, us; all your friends who care about you and are worried; none of us can figure out what’s wrong.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she muttered quietly, dipping another fry in ketchup and popping it in her mouth.
“Well, too bad, cause not talking about it is not an option. Obviously something is bothering you; talking about it will help.”
“How do you know?” Andy asked, her anger exploding out of her. “Your life is perfect, what’s ever been wrong with you?”
Chase shrugged. “Maybe you’re right, maybe my life is perfect. But we’re not talking about me; we’re talking about you.” He reached out and grabbed her left hand, flipping it over and revealing the small tattoo on her wrist.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is?”
“It’s Chinese, it means laugh.” She flinched at his touch as he traced the symbol with his finger.
“Why did you get it?” he asked softly, locking eyes with her. She looked away quickly.
“I don’t know, I just…I knew I was leaving. I knew that I was leaving China, leaving home…again, and I didn’t want to start over in a new place without some sort of reminder. I had already left too much behind.”
She pulled her hand away, tucking it into her sleeve and under the table, clasping it with the other.
“Dad had promised we were gonna stay. He said this was it, our last home, no more moving. And I knew he didn’t mean it. So I wanted to remember.”

Stuck Like Glue

I hate being stuck on a story. It’s probably my least favorite part about writing, because I get so frustrated in myself, and the story. (I can’t put all the blame on myself, now can I?) I can be sitting right in front of the computer, all prepared to start typing…and nothing. I know where it needs to go and I know how I want it to get there, but it’s like I’m just stuck on this one spot, and there’s no way to get unstuck.
It’s worse than writer’s block. At least then I have an excuse for not writing, I don’t know where to go with the plot. When I’m stuck, I just can’t seem to work up the strength to focus on my writing and, well, write. I’m just, stuck!
Until inspiration hits, I get back into the rhythm, and the story flows out of my brain and into the computer, via my fingers.
Thank you fingers, thank you.
Now I just need to find some magical cure for Sticky Fingers. (It sounds more like I’m stealing then having trouble writing.)

On another note, I have accomplished my good deed for the day. My brother and I just spent the last couple of hours helping our neighbor shovel out her driveway.
Karma owes me big time.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Feel free to turn back now :)

This is where I write something deep and emotional about why I chose to start a blog. It might be because I feel I have an amazing life and want to share it with the world. Maybe it’s because I have the life experience to enrich the world with perfect advice and life altering stories.
That’d be a lie. I’m doing this to help me with my writing, to try something new…really just because I want to do it.
I’m in high school, in an honors English class, and writing is my numero uno passion in life. For the past two years I have participated in an online program called NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month, and this past year I won.
That’s right, I wrote a novel. *insert applause here*
It’s sloppy and short and full of plot holes, but it’s my baby and I love it. I may occasionally post excerpts, if only to boost my confidence about it.
In addition to editing my novel, I’ve started another story called Polaroid. I’m having a lot of fun writing it, but it’s not easy, being a bit of a romantic fantasy, something I’ve attempted in the past but never really succeeded with.
When I’m not writing, I’m cheering for my high school, coaching a city cheerleading team (it’s the off season now) and, like every other high schooler, studying.
That’s my life. Welcome to my story.