Thursday, September 22, 2011

Baby seasons change but people don't

and I'll always be waiting in the backroom.

I have so many expectations for my life. It's killing me. I go into situations daydreaming about how things might turn out.
Never once has a daydream be accuate.
I was so excited for my junior prom. I thought that for once I would actually feel beautiful. I hoped my crush (I can't even remember who) or any guy would come over, tell me I look amazing, and ask me to dance.
It's laugh worthy now.
I enjoyed being with my girls. Dancing was fun. But some people got too close and others not close enough.
At one point I was terrified of a friend.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't gone. I was grounded, but my parents made an exception for prom. It's supposed to be the best night of your life.
There's always next year, I suppose.
I'm so looking forward to college. To get far away from people who've hurt me, away from feeling like a failure when I'm in the same room as my parents.
I'm trying so hard really.
Know one gets that.
I was told I look like Yale, but I feel like a community college.
It's like, why set a bar too high?
Why try so hard for something you're not going to get anyway?
Why bother living with nothing to live for.

1 comment:

  1. You look great! Care to dance? ;D

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Life gets better. Really, it does. I was in a dark place too, once upon a time. I didn't want to live any more.

    I changed my mind. Don't let people bother you. Don't let high school bother you. In the long run, it doesn't matter one bit. So, really, you just have to survive it.

    /lurk XD